The Bathrooms of Amherst

From leaky faucets to scribbled poems to shamrock-colored doors, the bathrooms of Amherst have it all. Two intrepid photographers brave the horrors and beauties of your local lavatories to discover the secrets hidden behind the stalls and shower curtains of Amherst. The following is a summary of their accounts. Read at your own risk.

Arms Music Center

True to the building it calls home, the Arms bathrooms are sure to be excellent for acoustics, featuring cramped stalls and the sort of haunting echo better suited to a Phantom of the Opera set than a bathroom. The vibrant green color of the stalls does provide some unique character, giving this bathroom an unforgettably festive atmosphere. If you happen to find yourself in need of a respite from arduous music practice, this bathroom can be a calm and relaxing place. Just as long as you like the color green, aren’t claustrophobic, and leave your more cumbersome belongings outside.

Chapin Hall

Deep in the bowls of Chapin, slanting lines of poetry decorate the walls, welcoming you to this bathroom of beauty. The bathroom itself takes a back seat to the decorated lobby, covered floor to ceiling in poetry that would require its own Rosetta Stone to decipher. A mysterious chair sits in the center facing a mural of a mirror with the words “Erised stra ehru oyt ube cafru oyt on wohsi” inscribed along its gold borders — a reference to the Mirror of Erised from the Harry Potter universe, whose reflection shows you your deepest desire. I spent some time sitting in the conveniently placed chair and staring at the mirror, hoping to see my greatest desire. But alas, no matter how much I searched the light blue paint, I was never able to see myself as the owner of a successful cat café. Perhaps you’ll have better luck.

Frost Library

Is it really a library bathroom if there’s no writing on the walls? Frost takes all of your academia needs into account, so there’s no need to worry about any unscholarly bathroom breaks. The upper level bathrooms are mostly unassuming, but a trip down to the catacombs reveals the bathrooms that Frost is well-known for. The women’s A-level bathroom features two Kahlil Gibran poems: “On Work” and “On Beauty.” The writing engulfs all four walls, and it can be overwhelming when just hoping for a simple bathroom break. While I have personally never stood there reading the passages, I can see how people might be intrigued and take pause for a moment, pondering the writing on the walls before continuing on with their regularly scheduled lavatory visit. The bathrooms themselves are pretty cramped and not particularly pristine, but their peculiarity (slightly) makes up for it.

Lipton House

Clean, modern, efficient. If the Economics department could have a designated locker room, we have no doubts that it would look like this. The Lipton latrines leave little to the imagination, living up to the Lipton legacy as simple and low-key. They are nicer than nearly every other residence hall bathroom on the campus, but lack the character of a Garman bathroom. There is no love in the Lipton bathrooms. You get in, you get out, and you go on your merry way. Would we take this over the Dorm-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named (hint: it starts with C and ends in -ohan)? Obviously. But could we see ourselves having a beer with the Lipton bathrooms? Probably not.

We have learned much in our quest to uncover what lies in the lavatories of Amherst. We have seen great beauty and deep horrors. We have traveled to the far corners of this campus, scoured the depths of depravity and the heights of hygiene, and yet there is still so much we do not know. The bathrooms of this campus represent so much more than the ability of college students to maintain a clean space without allowing it to slip into a hellish wasteland devoid of life and comfort. They represent the true personality of a space, where behind swinging doors and strange odors, you can find the heart of the Amherst campus, revealing itself to you like a flower blooming in the spring. So the next time you find yourself in an Amherst bathroom, take a moment to stop and smell the flowers. From our bathroom to yours, we wish you an excellent summer.